this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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