sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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