Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
