so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
