Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
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The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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