Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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