wat bout pragnant strippers??
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.