if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome