I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.