I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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