Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
