Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
