Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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