no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
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You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
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just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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