if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
