NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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