i was born a porn star she said
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
organizing the empties. That sober.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
