this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Someone came in the potted fern
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
