just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Whod you bang
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
