it hurts more in the daytime
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
