What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
