Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
