OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
