in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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