I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
