she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
