It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
