Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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