I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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