My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize