he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
