We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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