Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
are you so shy because you have an std?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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