You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
two words: eviction party
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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