that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
