I haven't been this sober since birth.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
