We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
