stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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