You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
