Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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