If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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