i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
