Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
