My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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