I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
