i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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