So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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