If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
