How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
