Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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