Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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