I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
