woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
