and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
