i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
