lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
