Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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