I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
