wakey wakey hands off snakey
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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