Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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