For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
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i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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