literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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