What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
