When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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