Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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