And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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