Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
