I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
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